Im a bird learning to fly. Im hurting. I keep singing. Im sensitive. And I never felt so desperate. Im coming back home. I was teached to survive. In the most different situations. I hurted people. In a survival mode you are teached to be selfish. You change everyday, in order to keep alive. Almost as part of nature. Im chaotic. Not in a bad way. Im just learning to be the best version of myself. Its a daily process of dying and beeing born again. Im scared of beeing alone. Im scared to not have a home, to not have anyone. I keep smiling just as everything is fine. In another culture that somehow is mine. In another language that someone took from me. Im hurting so much. I dont know how to build a structure of solid things. I had to forget so much to be where I am. To fight silently. To break barriers. To fly the Atlantic. Everyday was a new person inside of my head. Everyday was a feeling of dying in the streets. Of falling. Of failing. People think im sweet. But Im strong. I keep surviving. Day after day. Trying to believe everyday that im strong. I repeat it to myself. I embrace my loss of hearing. Now im doubting in my music. Im not sure about love. Im not sure about love. I feel dependent. I miss my dad. I miss a home. I miss someone giving me a home that I can trust. I was kicked out so much. I was violented so much. I had to sign things. I had to say things in court when I was only a child. People still think Im sweet. 

Corpo que grita

Eu limpo a casa de dentro 

Pra ficar feliz

limpo a casa de fora numa resposta diretriz

A tempestade vem 

A tempestade vem 

A tempestade vem 

Eu tenho coisas no corpo que me causam dor

as coisas de dentro do corpo passam pra voz 

que passam pra ti

Quando eu me olho dentro do espelho 

vejo todas as de dentro 

me convidando, me encontrando, me surpreendendo 

porque lutei 

fui mais forte que a dor

fui mais sabia que a fe da tua mare

 you knew since the beginning 

how this would end up beeing

he showed of, his phone and who he was working with

and me,

I am on stage fearless. 

Thats how you wanted to be

I saw you, I saw you 

we kissed like crashing melodies

you looked like a nerd guy 

and im standing by 

in your comfort zone

You tasted my thirsty lips

you started using me

for something I wasn't pretend to be 

a release is just like a self release, you are right 

deixar se revelar como se voce estivesse nua nas luzes da lua

como se voce estivesse descoberta no frio da noite, andando sozinha na areia da praia 

e as luzes brilhantes do ceu 

que refletem no seu corpo nu e com receios 

voce sente tudo em dobro 

 we could have been everything in the studio

but we ended beeing nothing

at all 

no music 

no credit 

time to switch

poem 1

 All you had, guess what, you are going to loose

But thats the best part

You are going to loose people telling how the third minor in the show was good 

I received a menssage about how Italy is going,

the connection with prince musicians

are you famous?

just stop okay?

men are made for Holliday 

its time for you to stop 

dont ask for my photos 

you won't get them.

I bring my own fish home 

 Na balanca da vida eu estou desbalanceada 

Eu senti falta do que eu vivi

Eu sofri e eu fugi

Eu fugi pra respirar

Fugi na ponta dos  pes

Dancando bale

A musica que mais te cabia na mente

Eu me pari

Eu me nasci

Fui isolada

Para ficar sozinha

Se aproprie da sua historia

Do que vc quer ser como pessoa

Quais historias vc quer contar?

Rebeliao crises de panico

Vc nao sabe nada de amor

É verdade

Vc nao soube nada sobre amar

Na sua corrente corre algo mais blase

Como sobreviver.

Voce quer escrever um livro

Sua liberdade tem um preco muito alto

Sua historia tem um preco muito alto

Ela custou sua vida

Sua saude

Seu ouvido

Nunca entregue o que é seu na bandeja do bar

Nunca se coloque em promocao

Em 3 por 1

Sua solidao é rara

Sua sobrecivencia é bela

Eu contraceno com a minha sombra 

Uma cena de ceu

Uma cena de luz

Eu contraceno com minhas mentiras

Todo dia

Eu contraceno comigo fingindo

Eu contraceno comigo dizendo nao e nao sendo ouvida

Grito de liberdade

 The energy you emanated is still shaking my cells 

It is still shaping my smile 

The way I speak to people, the way I vibrate

it all comes from you 

You are my queen 

And in our Kingdom we would only be allowed to be happy 

You taught me how to share even if we dont have much 

You taught me that love comes first 

Even if there is so much going on

When I left 

i didnt said goodbye

I have no words to say how much I love you 

and how much you will be everyday with me 

Its going to be hard to come home and not to have you around

 Esperanza Photography

cartao de visitas (:):)) lindinho

exposição em Novembro (poderosa) liberdade

Website esperanza phots(lindinho tbm) :):)

Stickers (ainda fazer)

Fotos Sophie e derray no estudio (cant waittt)

Prints para vender

 All you had, guess what, you are going to loose

But thats the best part

You are going to loose people telling how the third minor in the show was good 

Fuck that 

music is not about that

I received a menssage about how Italy is going,

the connection with prince musicians

FUCK that

are you famous?

man, you are not even producing music for people in label

just stop okay?

men are made for Holliday 

its time for you to stop 

dont ask for my photos 

you won't get them.

I bring my own fish home 

 To start I just want to say that I do am proud of what we had. About how we meet during the pandemic and how beautiful our first dates were. about when u asked me if things were going too fast in a bar in ostkreuz, or going to your place to spend the weekends and sing together. I always had so much fun and you presented me so much from berlin and from life. Even though we were inside of a pandemic. You are the cutest and more cared creature in the world. And you are a perfect lover. I love how you can take care of me, and I always felt so much loved. I love exploring the woods with you on the winter, and feeling the 0 degrees for the first time. I love how easily you say yes to adventures, and just go with the flow with my ideas. I was so afraid of the cold here. You brought me to all cool stuff, tango, gigs, dinners, and great people. You are a connector. And you are really a beautiful soul. Really. Im really afraid of you to get hurt, and I dont like this idea. I love going to the woods with you, exploring the parks in the winter, and I will always remember about you as someone who makes me laugh, openly and wildly. I do have my own shit to take care, I do feel that time is running and I dont know what to do in my life, I do compare myself a lot, and I do have to organize my life. You showing me my photographer side was also nice (even though I have my questions again). But I grew a lot in the time we were together, and so many things happened. Painting your studio, helping you, eating kumpir, the studio sessions. I really missed having properly dates with you. Like sliding, and discovering things for the first time with you is always a joy. Like the states. I also loved going to the mountains with you and traveling together to a cold place at sächsischer schweiz. Anyway. 

 connect with feminism to remember your strength

 Hi! im here. im good. im learning. to be by myself. the best version I have to give. to me. to live. to have friends. to build a home. and to miss home. Im coming back. this is going to be healing. to see how much u went. how much you've build.

 you are my queen 

The origin of all the power 

in the woman

in my family

you taught me about everything

the strongest energy Ive ever felt 

You are Recife and Carnaval 

You are all the protection against the bad energy

with the saints and your altars

You are my queen 

the most beautiful I ever seen

But its going to be hard to come back home

and to just have

memories.

 Ola! 

Essa eh a Linda de 2022. Eu sei que eu ja to tao diferente, mas ao mesmo tao a mesma. Eu reclamo muito dos meus relacionamentos, mas eu sei que isso eh a falta de uma base, de uma familia e de buscas de coisas que sao so suas, próprias. Eh engraçado que o momento que ele percebeu o quao nova tu eh, foi no stuvo. E sinceramente, as pessoas de la foram as mais importantes no meu caminho. Por isso eh tao importante focar em vc. Eu me pergunto se eu mostrasse a idade que eu tenho, se ele ainda ficaria comigo. Morar com meu pai nao parece algo tao legal. Enfim. A linda de agora esta tentando ser independente, e ja faz um tempo. Eu sei que eu fui pra Nova York met passado, e a minha vo se foi no mesmo momento. Eu sei que vai ser algo pesado pra mim. Eu sei que eu preciso voltar pro brasil pra ter minhas bases de volta, e eu sei que isso vai ser difícil. Eh importante pra mim, ver a maravilha de coisas que eu tenho. Tudo parece ser tao casual no meio dele. 10 mil euros em microfones. ah, normal. E eu sei que vc morre de medo de ele ficar independente musicalmente e voar. Eh importante vc ser sincera consigo mesma. Por que? Por que o que te prende nele eh isso? Vc nao ta acreditando em si mesma. Sempre tava preocupada em perder as amizades dele se terminasse, e no fim mesmo nao terminando perdeu. Porque essas pessoas gostam dele, sao fas dele. Vc vai encontrar a sua galera. Eu estou tentando me cuidar. Voce eh forte. Tem ficado sozinha nesse mês de agosto, voce aguentou a perda da sua vo sozinha, enquanto ele dançava tango. Isso te deixa puta. Mas voce tem noção de como vc fez coisas sozinhas? Buscou ficar mais sozinha nesse mês, ta fazendo os seus videos.Ele nao tem noção, você perde a sua vo e ele dança tango. Mas talvez vc so esteja fazendo o mesmo que sua mãe, encontrando culpados o tempo todo. Voce esta pedindo por ajuda. Voce esta tentando. Eu juro que esta. Mas tem que focar em ser mais organizada, no que vai te dar o seu futuro, o que eh da sua idade, o que te ajuda com as suas experiencias, de 22 anos, encontrar pessoas, transar, ficar na sua. Vc nao tem que estar casada. Eu perdi a minha vo, e tu tava dançando tango. O quao sem noção eh isso? Eu perdi a minha vo. Eu perdi a minha vo. Voce vai encontrar sossego em si mesma. Eu nao gosto que ele me toque o tempo todo, eu nao gosto disso. Eu nao gosto que quando nos encontramos ele toca diretamente perto do meu peito. Eu nao gosto que ele fala que faz isso por gostar de mim. Numa outra historia a pessoa me falou que eu deveria olhar pra isso, de nao sentir prazer. Enquanto isso ele nem sabe do que eu sinto, do que eu luto. 

Voce eh uma artista maravilhosa. e o melhor de tudo, eh que voce tem essa energia de tudo e todos sao validos. Sem a historia do que eh bom ou ruim, sem o julgamento. Isso eh incrível, pare de se julgar. alguém que te livre as preocupações do corpo, mas te traz a preocupação da voz nao eh alguém importante. Voce lutou demais para a sua voz. Isso ja te faz uma artista valida. pare de querer buscar pela validação, voce eh importante e incrível. Acredite.

Pare de se preocupar com o que ele vai fazer, ele fala o tempo todo de coisas incríveis, mas nao importa. mesmo que ele seja o Harry Styles. Nao importa.

 A MULHER QUE DESCOBRIU DO QUE SAO FEITAS AS ESTRELAS

 I feel actually really alone here in berlin

i realised all of my friends that I had a fear to loose are not mine

that all the songs im singing are not mine

and also

how strange to date a 20 year old, living with her dad?

lone aloneee world 

 im so afraid im not a good musician 

because that is everything I want to be 

and u were so afraid that u would miss Sophie and Eric and friends

now u are not working for Eric 

and Sophie dont awnser u 

or not actively 

nice! that is really great!

Dont start doing something with someone u dont trust 

and if u feel alone 

u have your family 

that just shoes how fucked up everything is 

but now u have new friends

from colombia

Gustiele

 linda

voce eh linda e uma gostosa 

so pra que voce saiba

que voce veio muito longe

e voce eh uma baita de uma menina inteligente

gostosa

linda por dentro

dedicada

 lets start the era of good sex

of beeing able to see people and to kiss them 

with no regret

lets start where u tell your dad your problems 

where u get close to him

lets start the era of masturbating hard

and living your age 

lets start the era of good sex please?

I really wanted that

so much 

and I think trying it once 

would make me free

freedom 

you are not alone

u will always be

either winter or summer

Linda you are Linda 

 how u feel when u show a music 

and he says u are always doing it in the rythm

its not like that the song 

and i freeze 

I guess im not showing more music anymore :(

Ill just enjoy my own music company,

whatever that is

whatever that means.

im enough to enjoy music and to make music 

i dont need anyone to just bring me down.

i want someone that feel inspired by me

 You are just trying to find yourself 

you are 22

when u were 20 u thought you were old 

u are starting your university 

everything is going to be nice 

pawshake 

working at nabavi was also great this week

buying instruments fender ukulele and your audio thing 

organizing your room a lot 

staying alone

kind of liking other people 

be back to masturbate :):)

lots of conquests this week

love u linda

linda

 I love my dad

and how strange is that I love where he lives

but he doesn't 

for him it was all strange

its my fucking best place in the world 

the library

stop saying its old 

it doesn't make sense for me

start saying the things that doesn't make sense to u 

bye

 you can say no 

to keep living your loneless

your amazing life you are discovering

your creativity

your writing 

you are able to say no 

you are able to say no 

you really are.

 See the signals

your grandma getting sick when u are in the states

your dad going alone to nyc 

I really hope he enjoys from the bottom of my heart

if there is something I know is that I love him 

and its hard for me to say that convinced 

you see

but I really do love him

I just want him to live the best life he can live

because he really tried to give that to me 

 you know what

just stop beeing cool?

just stop pretending you are the best 

stop trying to make it cool 

and show how u speak to everyone 

cool people are lying.

 Im happy to give that to my dad

a travel to New York

that what he needs 

that what I can give to him 

I feel good 

knowing he is going to be happy

I think that is love 

im learning to live

 im just learning to be me 

the why's and the how's 

the living alone 

the dreams 

and the power 

you hold 

im just learning to be me 

 you really dont feel that bad?

u told me you stopped believing in yourself 

but it really maybe doesn't matter?

you really said yes to photography

and that hurts?

to See how good you are at this?

because of him?

really?

you love music

u know u do

 i hate when he listen something that's is "good" he grooves 

showing his face

of this is good, and not bad

this is good

this has quality 

i hate when he does it and I dont feel a thing

about the good part of the world

that reminds me a bit of sex 

but his face showing how good that is

what am I honestly missing?

did I learn something about the good stuf in the world?

where is your album btw?

I ask you, in a violent way

and he wanders me in a cool down everything is coming 

look how cool I am

 should I go to the party or should I not?

i dont want to go for the party

im basically feeling alone

i didnt see many people today

I've been focusing on my stuff

you wanted to transfer the photos 

how many photos and memories get lost in the meaning?

I try to think what other people would tell me to do

my aunt would tell me not to party, work hard while the others are partying

my boyfriend would maybe get sad, so why do you go to a party and not to the wedding?

my mom would say me to go, and enjoy life, without knowing what that means

my therapist

im not sure about his awnser and it kind of its important

I think he would tell me to go, and kiss everyone, enjoy my life

im not in the vibe for partying

im staying at home, trying to be organized 

get out of the mess I created in my life

 dont blame you 

you are 22. you have your own future for yourself

every time u look in the mirror 

make sure u will say how fucking hot you are 

and inteligent

and that its your fucking choice to be single 

and enjoy your body

and take care of yourself

in the end u are always going to take care of yourself alone

 its easy to have a life life that 

when u are rich like that 

its easy to choose to live wild 

when u have a life like that 

its easy to go to New York

and not have traumas 

and end university with 23 

when u have a life like that 

you dont even see you are rich 

with your jet skis-

 de tanto fingir 

acreditou 

e viveu a mentira 

como sendo seu sonho

 a escrita eh a sua meditacao 

seu pai esta ficando velho 

se pudesse conversar com a linda de dois anos atras, o que voce diria? para voce mesma?

vamos viajar juntos! Para qualquer lugar, para o norte 

seu pai esta ficando velho 

se pudesse falar qualquer coisa para a Linda que ja sabia que nao gostava dele

da Linda que se sentia mal apos o sexo, o que diria?

me falaram que eu deveria ficar solteira 

me falaram que era uma opção 

uma menina comentou comigo que ela tinha ficado solteira somente 5 meses na vida dela

e que ela queria viver isso 

e eu? quanto tempo eu fiquei?

eu so preciso que me mostrem que isso eh uma opção

que voce nao esta sozinha

mas no final vc esta 

voce eh tao sozinha quanto o seu pai eh.

voce sabe disso

e isso eh o que te acalenta

porque a escrita eh a sua meditacao

eh o seu porto 

seu acesso aos seus sentimentos

a forma como voce pode ser sincera

criandoo arte

onde pode se deparar consigo mesma 

onde te faz ser menos so 

onde tu entende que a solidao nao eh tao desesperadora

então cultiva esse habito de escrever

porque a escrita vai te fazer andar menos sozinha 

voce precisa dizer que te ama

quando se olha no espelho 

porque ai vai começar a se amar

por muito tempo vc nao existiu 

era um experimento trancado

agora voce existe

suas atitudes tem consequências 

a mão do seu pai tremendo 

voce sempre tem medo que vai estar perdendo algo incrível 

voce nao esta 

lembre de todos os momentos 

o momento do tango que foi o mais extremo,

voce viveu sua solidao 

nao foi incrível 

qualquer coisa seria mais com o seu pai 

mas pare de colocar culpa

aprender que voce nao eh uma vitima tbm eh importante 

voce esta no caminho 

no caminho da sua escrita

e da sua reaproximação com o seu pai 

voce esta caminhando para se amar 

e se conectar com o que tu acredita 

quando tu tiver uma filha 

vc vai querer mostrar a ela como ser independente eh possível 

mostre a ela agora.

 if I was a song

I would wake you up 

I would tear you apart 

if I was a song 

I would change your day 

 you use sex to feel love 

what are u afraid of?

beging alone?

u are creating your own friends

you are young 

you know

 On the flip side, you may completely shut down sexually. Being that open and vulnerable may feel too scary and, therefore, you unconsciously shut down your libido. You don't want to have to depend on another person to meet your sexual needs so you just don't have them.

you have problem setting your boundaries

he likes calling me sweetie 

You have a really hard time saying "no" when you don't want to do something because you're so worried about upsetting your partner or them leaving because you made a boundary. This can put you in a bad position that can range from uncomfortable to downright dangerous.

You date people who are much older than you.

This is the classic daddy issue cliché but often ends up being true. You seek out or find yourself attracted to partners who are significantly older than you in order to re-create the father-child dynamic.

You're terrified of being alone.

You would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship than be single. 

no one is really talking about daddy issues

"involves anger, it involves grieving ... It's a chance to feel sadness for your younger self, who didn't get what they needed."

i almosrt asked my dad

if you want I will not go to this travel 

just tell me if its the wrong thing to do

it makes me sad you

name exacly what u are feeling:

I feel not supported for my music, I dont know what I like, and its usually everything u think its good

I feel its hard to put borders

I never had time just for myself

im afraid of beeing alone

im dating someone much older

I feel I cannot focus in my stuff as before.

my therapy

 I think that writing is my therapy 

well, almost died to record something in the studio 

lets do something

I know we dont have time

but we can get an ukulele

we have the studio

lets do it?

nah, its too complicated

I almost beg for it 

its sad actually

people that dont record or release their shit

and u end up stucked-

you came back home

you are going to start in the bimm university 

you are excited

but you have to learn English

u said no to this weddings,

but you went to nyc

what did u learn from that?

you dont know 

you want to learn the world

u have to do song covers

stop telling me what is good or what is not

your beautiful letters doesn't change anything

you came back 

what does it change?

where are your friends?

stop beeing a victim

you stopped with instagram

stopped with eucalyptus

stopped with eating your nails

now,

honestly if it was so hard to record something with him

why dont you do your own shit

you always did

get your camera together

go to record in a park

why does he have to show you what is good and what is not

let me decide 

when are we going to actuals work together

is not going to happen 

work, get your own money

you tell me your family is always pretending 

the company is big

im going to stop complaining 

maybe I should change

 you are your own super hero

capable of saving yourself

giving you energy

I loved when I lived with my dad

that story doesn't fucking makes sense

 if he thinks my dad is so dumb and not nice

i wanna live with him.

 talvez depois de tudo isso voce seja capaz de sentir mais amor 

e entender o que o amor significa 

voce veio para a europa 

para se conectar com o seu pai 

nao se esqueca que voce tem 22 anos

 minha mãe e energia 

e todas as mulheres da minha familia são muito fortes 

e voce também 

sempre que voce se sentir sozinha voce tem a sua escrita 

o jeito que voce imagina a si mesma 

voce sempre esteve sozinha 

carregando as suas decisões 

todas as mulheres da minha familia foram e são fortes 

voce tem a si mesma 

no fim do dia quem vai te colocar pra dormir vai ser voce mesma 

quem vai amparar seu choro vai ser voce mesma 

voce tem medo que isso aconteça com seu pai 

no fim do dia voce vai se amparar 

tomar o seu banho 

fazer a sua sopa 

cuidar de voce mesma 

pentear o seu cabelo 

te dar boa noite para dormir 

voce eh fucking forte 

voce sempre escreveu isso quando estava tendo crise de pânico 

pessoas te ajudaram 

mas ninguém te ajudou mais do que o seu pai 

 in the end it is going to be just like that 

you are going to end up alone

having to take care of  all of your life 

and you just didnt wanted to be alone

but u are going to put yourself to bed

and clean your bed

and put the lavender in your pillow

you just didnt wanted to be alone

on the time he had free he came

but he still wants to stay with his cousins

and dance tango

are u ready to dance some tango?

asked him after my grandma was in the hospital 

it just for me doesn't makes sense 

from the day I received a bad news about my grandma

 I care about you

lets watch a comedy show 

so you will feel better

im here okay?

but dont make me feel bad 

but do you want to go on the boat trip?

this is the last day they are here

but im here for you 

stop beeing the victim

she taught you how to be strong 

and she is dying 

but he is here for you 

he is sorry for you 

but watch a comedy show?

or go to a boat?

just call me if you need anything

you will always be alone, that's a radical acceptance you gotta have 

oh, she is dying 

its normal, old people dye

everything is normal 

so fucking normal 

in the end you are always alone

im a cup 

with solid things on the button

you know 

what the fuck is this feeling

why am I fucking here 

in this place?

this just shows you how wrong eveything is

 everyone is pretending

all the time 

beging kings of New York 

doing something small 

they chat 

like they are the cool kids 

but they are not happy 

they need to say that you were out of tune 

or out of the road

they say you are an amazing photographer 

and in the end u freeze when u see a guitar

how many traumas has been created in this time

two years

isnt that way too much?

two years wasted

trying to bee older 

and now you are

for how long?

what if in your lives u said more no?

only kids dont accept no

and he is one of them

you have yourself

u should know that

u had yourself on that hotel

and loneless will come 

it will stir up

and then calm down in the surface

it will calm down

 what about bad sex?

you simply hate when he touches you

what do u feel?

you feel incomplete?

you wanna beat?

you say u will exchange photos for sessions?

and he stay silent

because he doesn't care

and he didnt play anything in 5 years

he says this is the best venue

but everyone that comes are just friends

and someone that plays with someone that is famous

and I know this 

this is good this is not

go fuck yourself

where are you?

what are u doing?

 you keep telling people how they are famous 

how some are good

how this is the best place in New York City 

And its not good 

How you know everyone

is this melee?

oh, yea! My friend played with Lady Gaga

that's my friend

what the hell

I presented him to sting 

how big are things in your life?

how important is the things you say that are important.

 ela eh magia 

circo 

mallu magalhaes e cicero 

coisa boa 

de gente indie 

fogo de pop 

e alegria de criança 

 I like where I am.

Germany, studying. playing. 

I think im growing even if I dont perceive it. 

 i don't like Germany, I have no idea what im doing here.