I love my dad

and how strange is that I love where he lives

but he doesn't 

for him it was all strange

its my fucking best place in the world 

the library

stop saying its old 

it doesn't make sense for me

start saying the things that doesn't make sense to u 

bye

 you can say no 

to keep living your loneless

your amazing life you are discovering

your creativity

your writing 

you are able to say no 

you are able to say no 

you really are.

 See the signals

your grandma getting sick when u are in the states

your dad going alone to nyc 

I really hope he enjoys from the bottom of my heart

if there is something I know is that I love him 

and its hard for me to say that convinced 

you see

but I really do love him

I just want him to live the best life he can live

because he really tried to give that to me 

 you know what

just stop beeing cool?

just stop pretending you are the best 

stop trying to make it cool 

and show how u speak to everyone 

cool people are lying.

 Im happy to give that to my dad

a travel to New York

that what he needs 

that what I can give to him 

I feel good 

knowing he is going to be happy

I think that is love 

im learning to live

 im just learning to be me 

the why's and the how's 

the living alone 

the dreams 

and the power 

you hold 

im just learning to be me 

 you really dont feel that bad?

u told me you stopped believing in yourself 

but it really maybe doesn't matter?

you really said yes to photography

and that hurts?

to See how good you are at this?

because of him?

really?

you love music

u know u do

 i hate when he listen something that's is "good" he grooves 

showing his face

of this is good, and not bad

this is good

this has quality 

i hate when he does it and I dont feel a thing

about the good part of the world

that reminds me a bit of sex 

but his face showing how good that is

what am I honestly missing?

did I learn something about the good stuf in the world?

where is your album btw?

I ask you, in a violent way

and he wanders me in a cool down everything is coming 

look how cool I am

 should I go to the party or should I not?

i dont want to go for the party

im basically feeling alone

i didnt see many people today

I've been focusing on my stuff

you wanted to transfer the photos 

how many photos and memories get lost in the meaning?

I try to think what other people would tell me to do

my aunt would tell me not to party, work hard while the others are partying

my boyfriend would maybe get sad, so why do you go to a party and not to the wedding?

my mom would say me to go, and enjoy life, without knowing what that means

my therapist

im not sure about his awnser and it kind of its important

I think he would tell me to go, and kiss everyone, enjoy my life

im not in the vibe for partying

im staying at home, trying to be organized 

get out of the mess I created in my life

 dont blame you 

you are 22. you have your own future for yourself

every time u look in the mirror 

make sure u will say how fucking hot you are 

and inteligent

and that its your fucking choice to be single 

and enjoy your body

and take care of yourself

in the end u are always going to take care of yourself alone

 its easy to have a life life that 

when u are rich like that 

its easy to choose to live wild 

when u have a life like that 

its easy to go to New York

and not have traumas 

and end university with 23 

when u have a life like that 

you dont even see you are rich 

with your jet skis-

 de tanto fingir 

acreditou 

e viveu a mentira 

como sendo seu sonho

 a escrita eh a sua meditacao 

seu pai esta ficando velho 

se pudesse conversar com a linda de dois anos atras, o que voce diria? para voce mesma?

vamos viajar juntos! Para qualquer lugar, para o norte 

seu pai esta ficando velho 

se pudesse falar qualquer coisa para a Linda que ja sabia que nao gostava dele

da Linda que se sentia mal apos o sexo, o que diria?

me falaram que eu deveria ficar solteira 

me falaram que era uma opção 

uma menina comentou comigo que ela tinha ficado solteira somente 5 meses na vida dela

e que ela queria viver isso 

e eu? quanto tempo eu fiquei?

eu so preciso que me mostrem que isso eh uma opção

que voce nao esta sozinha

mas no final vc esta 

voce eh tao sozinha quanto o seu pai eh.

voce sabe disso

e isso eh o que te acalenta

porque a escrita eh a sua meditacao

eh o seu porto 

seu acesso aos seus sentimentos

a forma como voce pode ser sincera

criandoo arte

onde pode se deparar consigo mesma 

onde te faz ser menos so 

onde tu entende que a solidao nao eh tao desesperadora

então cultiva esse habito de escrever

porque a escrita vai te fazer andar menos sozinha 

voce precisa dizer que te ama

quando se olha no espelho 

porque ai vai começar a se amar

por muito tempo vc nao existiu 

era um experimento trancado

agora voce existe

suas atitudes tem consequências 

a mão do seu pai tremendo 

voce sempre tem medo que vai estar perdendo algo incrível 

voce nao esta 

lembre de todos os momentos 

o momento do tango que foi o mais extremo,

voce viveu sua solidao 

nao foi incrível 

qualquer coisa seria mais com o seu pai 

mas pare de colocar culpa

aprender que voce nao eh uma vitima tbm eh importante 

voce esta no caminho 

no caminho da sua escrita

e da sua reaproximação com o seu pai 

voce esta caminhando para se amar 

e se conectar com o que tu acredita 

quando tu tiver uma filha 

vc vai querer mostrar a ela como ser independente eh possível 

mostre a ela agora.

 if I was a song

I would wake you up 

I would tear you apart 

if I was a song 

I would change your day 

 you use sex to feel love 

what are u afraid of?

beging alone?

u are creating your own friends

you are young 

you know

 On the flip side, you may completely shut down sexually. Being that open and vulnerable may feel too scary and, therefore, you unconsciously shut down your libido. You don't want to have to depend on another person to meet your sexual needs so you just don't have them.

you have problem setting your boundaries

he likes calling me sweetie 

You have a really hard time saying "no" when you don't want to do something because you're so worried about upsetting your partner or them leaving because you made a boundary. This can put you in a bad position that can range from uncomfortable to downright dangerous.

You date people who are much older than you.

This is the classic daddy issue cliché but often ends up being true. You seek out or find yourself attracted to partners who are significantly older than you in order to re-create the father-child dynamic.

You're terrified of being alone.

You would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship than be single. 

no one is really talking about daddy issues

"involves anger, it involves grieving ... It's a chance to feel sadness for your younger self, who didn't get what they needed."

i almosrt asked my dad

if you want I will not go to this travel 

just tell me if its the wrong thing to do

it makes me sad you

name exacly what u are feeling:

I feel not supported for my music, I dont know what I like, and its usually everything u think its good

I feel its hard to put borders

I never had time just for myself

im afraid of beeing alone

im dating someone much older

I feel I cannot focus in my stuff as before.

my therapy

 I think that writing is my therapy 

well, almost died to record something in the studio 

lets do something

I know we dont have time

but we can get an ukulele

we have the studio

lets do it?

nah, its too complicated

I almost beg for it 

its sad actually

people that dont record or release their shit

and u end up stucked-

you came back home

you are going to start in the bimm university 

you are excited

but you have to learn English

u said no to this weddings,

but you went to nyc

what did u learn from that?

you dont know 

you want to learn the world

u have to do song covers

stop telling me what is good or what is not

your beautiful letters doesn't change anything

you came back 

what does it change?

where are your friends?

stop beeing a victim

you stopped with instagram

stopped with eucalyptus

stopped with eating your nails

now,

honestly if it was so hard to record something with him

why dont you do your own shit

you always did

get your camera together

go to record in a park

why does he have to show you what is good and what is not

let me decide 

when are we going to actuals work together

is not going to happen 

work, get your own money

you tell me your family is always pretending 

the company is big

im going to stop complaining 

maybe I should change

 you are your own super hero

capable of saving yourself

giving you energy

I loved when I lived with my dad

that story doesn't fucking makes sense

 if he thinks my dad is so dumb and not nice

i wanna live with him.

 talvez depois de tudo isso voce seja capaz de sentir mais amor 

e entender o que o amor significa 

voce veio para a europa 

para se conectar com o seu pai 

nao se esqueca que voce tem 22 anos

 minha mãe e energia 

e todas as mulheres da minha familia são muito fortes 

e voce também 

sempre que voce se sentir sozinha voce tem a sua escrita 

o jeito que voce imagina a si mesma 

voce sempre esteve sozinha 

carregando as suas decisões 

todas as mulheres da minha familia foram e são fortes 

voce tem a si mesma 

no fim do dia quem vai te colocar pra dormir vai ser voce mesma 

quem vai amparar seu choro vai ser voce mesma 

voce tem medo que isso aconteça com seu pai 

no fim do dia voce vai se amparar 

tomar o seu banho 

fazer a sua sopa 

cuidar de voce mesma 

pentear o seu cabelo 

te dar boa noite para dormir 

voce eh fucking forte 

voce sempre escreveu isso quando estava tendo crise de pânico 

pessoas te ajudaram 

mas ninguém te ajudou mais do que o seu pai 

 in the end it is going to be just like that 

you are going to end up alone

having to take care of  all of your life 

and you just didnt wanted to be alone

but u are going to put yourself to bed

and clean your bed

and put the lavender in your pillow

you just didnt wanted to be alone

on the time he had free he came

but he still wants to stay with his cousins

and dance tango

are u ready to dance some tango?

asked him after my grandma was in the hospital 

it just for me doesn't makes sense 

from the day I received a bad news about my grandma

 I care about you

lets watch a comedy show 

so you will feel better

im here okay?

but dont make me feel bad 

but do you want to go on the boat trip?

this is the last day they are here

but im here for you 

stop beeing the victim

she taught you how to be strong 

and she is dying 

but he is here for you 

he is sorry for you 

but watch a comedy show?

or go to a boat?

just call me if you need anything

you will always be alone, that's a radical acceptance you gotta have 

oh, she is dying 

its normal, old people dye

everything is normal 

so fucking normal 

in the end you are always alone

im a cup 

with solid things on the button

you know 

what the fuck is this feeling

why am I fucking here 

in this place?

this just shows you how wrong eveything is

 everyone is pretending

all the time 

beging kings of New York 

doing something small 

they chat 

like they are the cool kids 

but they are not happy 

they need to say that you were out of tune 

or out of the road

they say you are an amazing photographer 

and in the end u freeze when u see a guitar

how many traumas has been created in this time

two years

isnt that way too much?

two years wasted

trying to bee older 

and now you are

for how long?

what if in your lives u said more no?

only kids dont accept no

and he is one of them

you have yourself

u should know that

u had yourself on that hotel

and loneless will come 

it will stir up

and then calm down in the surface

it will calm down

 what about bad sex?

you simply hate when he touches you

what do u feel?

you feel incomplete?

you wanna beat?

you say u will exchange photos for sessions?

and he stay silent

because he doesn't care

and he didnt play anything in 5 years

he says this is the best venue

but everyone that comes are just friends

and someone that plays with someone that is famous

and I know this 

this is good this is not

go fuck yourself

where are you?

what are u doing?

 you keep telling people how they are famous 

how some are good

how this is the best place in New York City 

And its not good 

How you know everyone

is this melee?

oh, yea! My friend played with Lady Gaga

that's my friend

what the hell

I presented him to sting 

how big are things in your life?

how important is the things you say that are important.