this work is making me sick... I barely earn much,  I booked an amazing gig that did 1000 euros for the bar, a number never seen before, a successful night and in the end of the shift the piece of shit comes to say that this is not what the bar is looking. so good luck with the old dudes going there drinking whiskey, and making 10 euros for the bar. I can get a better job where my sleep is not so dis regulated, get the same amount of tips or even better. My sleep is important and I wont put any effort in this fucking instagram. the boss is a piece of shit, always saying this is not a democratic thing, solve it yourself, coming to the bar and not doing anything, the guy has no understanding of how to do anything in that place, everything who is doing is David, and the guy still doesnt get any appreciation. Im leaving. I am. Fuck this shit.

But also my dad treating me like shit, being here, and only supporting me financially if I learn German (which is fine) but the way he treats me with so much violence. I saw a letter Lisa got from her parents, saying they couldnt wait for the next single to come out. Voce foi ensinada que amor é dor. é nao escutar. mas voce sabe melhor das coisas. se fosse por escutar sua tia voce kinda estaria doente em porto Alegre. 

Old dudes playing with other old dudes making jokes about how woman cant drink strong alcohol. you cant even promote the gigs so why would you help this piece of shit? that has a boss that is literally a piece of shit, but its still working with you...

I'm really tired from life here in Germany, from my dad from this culture. my mom once told me that all germans acted like nazis, and it's true. the disrespect, the violence, the passive aggressiveness, the no consideration, the way they want everyone to live life how they want... living in berlin, moving is stressful

the guy there wont have the energy to stand up for u. 

 I think it's quite racist to put a party for china in a day of the bar considering that maybe not chinese people are coming. I think it's quite confusing and frustrating the way they talk to us. Let me see your skills. Im quite tired of searching for an apartment in Berlin. Im quite tired of thinking about moving again. and about bringing all of my möbel with me. Im tired of people in Germany being rude. I'm tired of falling in relationships I dont want to. I'm tired of feeling alone in this country. Today it was slow. I woke up at 9am, but I always take until 11am to actually wake up. The only good thing is that I stopped biting my nails. I'm working now at the bar, but im feeling quite tired of people exploiting other people. Of not having a business account or profile to apply for jobs or internships. Of not having a camera. I'm now saving money for my camera, slow by slow. After waking up I cooked my breakfast, and had lots of ideas for the bar. After being said that I should show my skills. As it wasnt enough everything I'm doing at the bar. I work a lot, and when I calculate I only earn 500 euros. I'm tired of having to move, I dont want to move anymore. I'm tired of putting my things in a car and having to adapt to a new place. Anyways. Bimm is also a joke, but we all accepted it. I gave everything I could for my career, and believed in myself. But I've seen how tired I am. Now im with a man that says he cares for me, but I dont really feel it. He likes to fuck me, it's clear. He likes my boobs and my ass. And says he cares so much for me. He doesnt care I lost my classes, or anything. and this annoys me. Today I did grocerie and met Lisa in the supermarket. My dad only knows how to tell me how irresponsible I am. And im tired. I really wanted to bring my mom before moving out of here. I wanted to see her. or go back, idk. I wanted to get therapy... I wanted a lot. I wanted to be respected at work... It's okay though. I will make it. somehow. today I also slept at 6pm which is the time I usually start getting super tired. Idk. Lets see. I still feel super lonely here.